In this year’s Whole Girl, Whole World speaker series event, students, staff and parents had the opportunity to hear from an author and educator specializing in women’s leadership and well-being, Tara Mohr.
Tara is the author of Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create and Lead and the creator of the Playing Big leadership program and Play Big Facilitators Training for coaches, therapists, managers and mentors. A certified Co-Active Training Institute coach, she holds an MBA from Stanford and a degree in English literature from Yale.
Throughout her two presentations and one student book club discussion, Tara shared her insights about helping students quiet their inner critic, speak up and lead, and invited our community to think about how to enable students to trust themselves and connect to their own sense of leadership, purpose and courage.
Insights for Students
In her workshop for Grade 6-12 students, Tara addressed the challenges many young girls face with self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy in our fast-paced and competitive world, highlighting the importance of recognizing when our inner critic manifests and shifting how we address it.
The inner critic is that voice in our heads that tells us we’re not good enough. It often emerges in situations where our comfort zones are challenged, such as when trying something new or facing potential rejection. This voice can stifle creativity, discourage participation, and prevent individuals from embracing their true selves. To navigate the inner critic, Tara suggested the following strategies:
Strategies to Quiet the Inner Critic
- Recognizing and Characterizing: Students were encouraged to recognize and characterize this inner critic—giving it its own name, even— and to explore this character and its narrative, understanding that it typically emerges when we step outside our comfort zone. She explained that this is the safety instinct at work, presenting itself as self-doubt rather than directly expressing fear of the unfamiliar. Students can consider what aspects of the situation trigger this instinct when this voice arises.
- Connecting with Core Values: Tara also encouraged students to connect with their core values—what feels most authentic and vital to them. She suggested that students reflect on what qualities resonate with them and when they truly feel alive. By anchoring their responses in these values, they shift their perspective from self-criticism to a broader vision, aligning with a meaningful impact beyond themselves, ultimately empowering them to overcome the challenge at hand.
This core value discussion aligns with various programs on campus, particularly Graydin training which Senior School staff have been involved in. Centred on the ‘Start with the Heart Model,’ Graydin underscores the importance of connecting with core values when facing challenges or making significant decisions. It is integrated in various ways inside and outside of Senior School classrooms.
At the end of Tara’s session, one student shared, “Since this was so interactive, I wasn't only learning from Tara’s expertise but also engaging in my own introspection.”
How Parents Can Support Their Child
In her presentation to parents and families on the evening of Thursday, November 21, Tara recommended the following ways to support your child in navigating their inner critic:
- Create a Conversation about the Inner Critic: The inner critic is something many people experience. It's like a voice in your head that doubts or criticizes you, especially when you're feeling scared or vulnerable. It's helpful to talk with your child about this inner voice. Sharing your own stories about navigating feelings of self-doubt can show them that everyone feels this way sometimes. The goal of these conversations isn’t to create perfect confidence but to help build a smart and healthy way to deal with self-doubt.
- Focus on the Felt Experience: The felt experience encompasses elements like passion, growth, challenge, joy, connection, and meaning. In contrast, stories in the world around us often revolve around awards, evaluations, reactions from others, and concerns about appearances. The inner critic tends to draw attention to external awards, evaluations, or reactions of others to evaluate our self-worth. To navigate this, Tara Mohr encourages children and parents to focus on felt experiences, which can have a positive effect on the narratives associated with achievements. Engage with your child about what they find enjoyable in an experience instead of focusing solely on the outcomes.
- Tap Into Something Bigger: Help your child tap into something bigger than themselves: values, service, and impact, rather than those individual achievements. Importantly, let them see you do it in your own lives as well! The goal is to think bigger than ourselves.
By encouraging open conversations about self-doubt and focusing on the felt experiences that shape our lives, families can empower students to navigate their inner critic authentically and thoughtfully. For further guidance and resources, be sure to explore Tara Mohr's work on her website and view the recording here.
About Whole Girl, Whole World
Whole Girl, Whole World is a collaboration between the School and the CHS Parents’ Auxiliary. This speaker series is an opportunity for our whole school community to engage with thought-provoking topics and discuss the ways we can all support students to thrive and positively influence the world around them.